I never could have imagined what this pain would feel like. I hate every minute, every second, every silent moment of it, but I am calmed by knowing that you are no longer struggling, trapped, or lost. You’re safe, and while I will miss you more than I thought that I could, I’m so happy to know you’re ok now.
Addiction is a struggle not many can understand, and I have learned that you never really know a person’s struggle, even if you’re in it with them. No one truly knows your story, but they need to know you. You are a loving human, soulful, an intellect that understands things that I never could. You speak philosophically and with conviction about your passions. Your knowledge knows no bounds. You are an enthusiastic debater. Anyone who has listened to us talk knows that, and I will finally let you win this one … you are smarter than me, and now everybody knows it. You are the smartest person I know, even if I didn’t know what you were rambling about half the time. I’ve always been impressed with your brain; I just never told you.
When I think of you, I think of music. How you bring it to life, but also how it brings life to you. You developed a skill and musical character that takes decades to perfect. You evolved with the guitar, and it’s how you share your personality — how you tell your stories. You are the most talented musician. You can hear past melodies, lyrics, and notes. You speak with your craft, authentic and unique, without actually speaking. You breathe life into music and show the world that you have been a true artist from the moment you got your first Fender Stratocaster when you were 9.
I want you to know that I believe your decisions don’t define you, your actions don’t define you, and mental illness absolutely does not define you. The nature of your soul, your heart, and your being is what defines you. I want you to know that you are everything to us. I am broken right now, but I will be ok — you have always told me I would be. It is an honor to be your sister. You’re a part of me, a reason I am who I am, and I will carry that with me forever. Your memories will never be lost, and we will continue to fight for you even though you couldn’t.
You thought you never found your true calling in life based on societal pressures, but I think you never realized that your calling is to teach others how to find the path of consciousness and self-realization; It is comforting others through words and conversations.
On your 31st birthday, you wrote, “Without the thoughts and cares of others, life is but a tree which bears no fruit. I hope that I have been able to fill the lives of others with kindness and compassion in which they have filled mine.” You have filled our lives with so much love, and it will always be a blessing to be your family. You lived to find truth and to love all, and that is exactly what you did.
Forever and always - Timmerman’s little sister
